walking my mom to heaven's gate (first installment)

• "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Pauls' great and curious message to the Thessalonian church - really Paul? in all circumstances? yes this is God's message to us, to me - in all circumstances know joy, pray and give thanks - to God be the glory - this is where the rubber meets the road...
• mothers and daughters do not always get along well - in particular those who are far too much alike in character - there may appear to be lifelong strife, great discord and years of silence but (and you may choose to take this truth now or to learn it later for yourself) give serious consideration before any attempt to come between them - this relationship is not easily explained nor understood...
• March 21, 2008 - my church gathered for prayer @ 6 am every morning during the week leading up to Easter - on that Thursday (Maunday Thursday) my friend martha baker and i headed into the sanctuary for an intimate time of prayer - there were only 8 of us but that was all that God required - 8 prayer warriors - our Pastor suggested something different that morning - we were to create a list of non-believers and pray over that list for 21 days leaning on the scripture of 2 Corinthians 4:1-6 (i still dont know why 21 days) - so there we sat pen/paper in hand - sharing the names of those folks that God laid on our hearts - the list was diverse - family, friends, neighbors, associates thru business relationships and 1 gentleman whose name we do not know (God does!) whom we have noted as "the gentleman in the hospital room with Walt" - dont think for a moment that we do not each have a list already in our hearts of the lost - however this list was different - it was a community list - a list of joyful (and sorrowful) burdens carried together by 8 people as diverse as the folks on our list - i was the last to offer a name (there were two names and that also is another story) and i knew with urgency that we were to pray for my mom Ann Hansell - the feeling was close to frantic in nature and for me the urgency was not understand but it wouldnt be long before God would begin to reveal the works He had personally crafted - within weeks one of the men on the list died and i do not know if our prayers were answered for him - this passing fueled a fire in me - i never met this person and yet i felt great sorrow at his passing which i read about in the local paper - i prayed without fail for those 21 days and then continued to pray - i rarely missed a day praying over that list -
• for years i had tried to speak to my mom about the saving grace of Christ but she would put me off and tell me that people would be offended (now that is the Gospel truth!) or think of me as strange (nothing new there) and finally she asked me not to say anything more about this - it wasnt that i hounded her in any way - it is my nature as a forgiven and beloved sinner to live with the presence of my Lord in all of my life, speaking of Him is part of who i know am and yet my mom would have none of this -
• April 1, 2008 - in the first week of April my mom started calling me frequently and the conversations would be short - she was fearful of the medical tests her doctor had ordered though they were generally non or minimally invasive, she was filled with an anxiety that i could not understand, she was not feeling well, suffered terrible headaches and was convinced that she was going to die soon - my mom had lived with undiagnosed mental health issues many years before and would at times seem to slip ever so subtly back into that realm and then return to "normal" - i thought she was slipping again and wanted to wait out the storm though it seemed that this was more extreme than anything i had seen since i was a young girl -
• April 7, 2008 - several times during the week she had called and asked me to come see her - that week was very busy for me so we agreed i would come up the following week - during this time my mom went to the er and then had a short hospital stay - her anxiety was extreme, she was not eating or drinking and the terrible headaches continued but she seemed to rally back a bit
• April 14, 2008 - Monday evening while i was in class mom called several times - my husband told her that i was in class and would not return home till @ 10:30 - she asked him to have me call her no matter the time - when i arrived home to these messages i chose to wait till morning - when i called her husband Peter said she was not doing well and when i tried to talk with her on the phone she barely spoke to me and asked to see me - Peter said the headaches were terrible and they were seeing a neurologist - i thought i would go up and see her the following saturday...
• more later - time for some rest now...