the second installment...

• April 17th, 2008 Thursday at 4 am my mom goes into cardiac arrest at home, @ 8:30 her husband calls me at work - she is in a coma - unresponsive - on a ventilator at Sutter Amador hospital - i call my husband Richard, my son Brian and my dear friend Karen as i get on the road - please pray pray pray this seems so hopeless - on the 30 minute drive i am whining to God - i am pissed - truly angry - why would He let this happen - my mom is not saved! more prayer and pleading - and then i realize (thanks be to God) that He is greater than any coma - that His power and authority is over all and i know what i am being called to do - ok Father please prepare me for this - fill my mind and mouth with Your holy words - Lord please cause her to say yes - please allow her to know, understand and accept - please make her very aware of her need - Lord please keep my tears in their place (i am a crying fool - my dad says my tear ducts have a direct line attached to my heart) - please let me know You are in on this and at that moment i remember the list...please answer our prayers Lord according to your good and perfect will - she is still in the er when i arrive - a nurse takes me to her room and i am stunned by the sight -where can i touch her? there are tubes and ivs and machines everywhere - she is tiny and pale - her arms are bruised - she has a ventilator in her mouth - she is absolutely unresponsive - her eyes are open and unseeing unblinking - this cannot be my mom - a nurse approaches and checks equipment - they may be comfortable with this environment but i am terrified - the nurse is kind and tells me i can hold onto my mom's arm and talk to her - that it is possible she hears me -
• her face and body are angled toward her right - very carefully almost fearfully i place my hands on her left upper arm - she is warm, soft and very still - and seems completely unaware of all that is happening - i understand very clearly what God has offered me here - He is saying this is the time and the place - he is saying Stacey you asked for this now trust in Me and rely on My power and strength - the opportunity is now i am trembling - Lord fill me to overflowing with your Holy Spirit -
• and so i begin - "mom now you have to listen to me - this is the very moment that God Himself created so that you will know the truth and understand - dont be afraid - all of this is under His authority - He is here with us in this place right now - He is God Creator of all - He has been waiting all these years for this - that you will hear the truth and know the truth - i have been praying for you to listen to me and now you cannot tell me not to talk about Jesus Christ - none of the things between us mean anything to me - it is in the past and cannot be changed - i love you and i know that you love me - the greatest desire of my heart is to know that you will be living life real life forever in heaven in the presence of the one true God - Christ came to this earth as man just as we all do except that His birth was thru the virgin mary - He lived a humble and sinless life and He died a vile offensive unjustified death on the Cross taking full responsibility for the penalty of all of our sins so that we would not have to pay that debt (we cant anyway) so that we would have a choice - to believe in these truths and accept Christ as our Savior inviting Him into our life and standing on the promises of God's holy words or die to eternal death in hell - here it is mom - your choice - your own personal decision mom please believe and accept this truth - i cannot bear to think you would not want to come into eternal life - i love you and God who is standing here with us now loves you so much more - pure holy love - lay down your life love - unending and perfect love" i watched her face during all of this - nothing no movement no recognition - and then i closed my eyes and prayed - God please! an electric shock shot up from my left fingertips up my arm under my armpit and straight into my heart - it was hot and powerful and i thought i must have touched some line or equipment no monitors went off no nurses came running but i didnt let go of my mom i just kept praying - i prayed the sinners prayer which i think should be called the prayer of hope for the hopeless and i asked God for some assurance - then i opened my eyes and looked at my mom - nothing had changed except for this one beautiful sign - there were tears on my mom's face - in all of this i did not cry - He alone was holding back my tears and i was praising Him for these few minutes with my mom - for this intimate and beautiful moment - i knew my mom understood and believed - i knew angels were rejoicing - to God be the glory!! amen.
• a nurse came in and i said i must have touched something because i had received a shock - she said that was not possible - there was no equipment that would cause an electrical shock and then she said "your mom was crying!"
• the next 8 days - well actually all of the days following this are a roller coaster of emotions - and even now sleep is disturbed by the memories of all the details and i intend to keep journaling until He says enough...